i feel so stressed up. stressed over homework, work and interpersonal relationships. its just so crappy. i dont think i have handled all these well. it's starting accumulate and threatening to explode soon.

school had been strangely tiring. im not so looking forward to it anymore. probably cos all of us had settled in and being comfortable with each other, all the tiffs and taffs are starting to reveal slowly and get onto my nerves.

i dont know how to explain this feeling, but im getting fucking tired of it. taking it in and keep them under. people pisses me off and i have still got to smile at them.

why can't we all listen to the teacher quietly, not so much side tracks and everything? why can't i have a quiet lesson?? i just can't fucking concentrate at all!


damn!! i feel so fucking tired. i dont know what to do anymore. *sigh*

it's easier to fabricate lies than to tell the whole truth.

that's what i thought about the 2 of them.

im not a sore loser or whatever shit, but i really think that, THAT WAS NOT A JOKE AT ALL.

i can totally hear her panicking when i told her what i was gonna do. hey, that was your last chance. if it was a joke, that's your chance to scream: "FOOL YA! I WAS JUST JOKING!" but that didnt come at all. instead, all i hear was her panicky incoherent babbling of excuses trying to dissuade me of calling.

so, i should take that as a joke HUH?

im not a stiffy old lady. i do take jokes. but this kind of joke are over my limit of acceptance.

she's just jealous. she wants to inflict guilt on me.

i mean, why can i run about the area, not doing my job whereas she's stuck at her workplace with no one to talk to. especially since the only one who she cared about cant be bothered with her.

she had it all easy, man. with all the shit about that stupid guy and the stupid 'i dont have friends' sympathy evoking sentence.

gosh fuck that guy who she insisted THE ONLY PERSON WHO REALLY KNOW HER. no one really knows someone without communicating. im sure with more shared communications with other people, you will find someone who REALLY KNOWS YOU.

fuck the 'i dont have friends'.

YOU CHOOSE NOT TO
HAVE FRIENDS.

YOU CHOOSE TO MARK
1 STUPID GUY
AS THE ONLY ONE.

YOU SEALED YOUR FUCKING LIFE
TO A FUCKING MISERY
BY PUTTING ALL YOUR FUCKING HOPES
ON HIM.

NO WONDER HE'S SUFFOCATING
FROM YOUR FUCKING DEPENDENCY.

NO WONDER
HE'S RUNNING AWAY
FROM YOU.

YOU DONT HAVE A FUCKING LIFE
COS YOU CHOOSE IT
THAT WAY.

THERE ARE MANY OPTIONS
TO MAKE 'LIFE' BUT
YOU CHOOSE THE
PASSIVE WAY.

WHY?

COS YOU ONLY CARED ABOUT
THAT FUCKING GUY
WHO DONT GIVE A FUCKING HOOT
ABOUT HURTING
YOUR FEELINGS.

i finally got. i get everything now.

who isnt afraid of getting hurt. but sometimes we just gotta trust. as times goes by, im sure you will trust someone.

i trusted you. i believed in you. i wanna build a friendship with you. but look what you do to that? 'i dont have friends', 'you dont understand me', 'the only one who really understand me is him.'

fuck all these stupid thinkings.


BLAME YOURSELF FOR YOUR OWN FUCKING MISERY.

WHAT MAKES YOU EVER THINK THAT I MUST BE THE SAME AS YOU? WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT I HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE HAPPY, TO BOUNCE AROUND WHEN YOU CANT?! IT'S NOT MY FUCKING PROBLEM AND YOU ARE SLUGGING ALL YOUR FUCKINESS ON ME.

FUCK THESE SELFISH PEOPLE!! I HATE SELFISH PEOPLE!!


gosh. now that i understand. it makes me more pissed off. in all the times i've talked to her, i thought that she might change or something.

BUT FUCKING NO.


all she cares is about this stupid guy who cant be bothered with her anymore because she's slugging all her fucking miseries on him.

POOR HIM. NO WONDER HE'S TIRED AND DOESNT WANT TO INVOLVE HER IN HIS NEW LIFE.

really stupid.

happy belated ASKH!

had a tough debate whether to wish him happy birthday or not. its been so long, i dont even think whatever i said matters to him anymore. but i remember. i remember. but does he?

eversince that fateful day where i witness him with another girl, he just disappeared. disappear into thin air. i hadnt seen him since. what's with this? what's with the whole avoiding me thing? why are you so embarrassed or ashamed that i saw what i saw?

i cant forget. i really cant. it has been half a year or so, but i just cant forget. why is it so easy for him to forget and move on?

i think i know the answer but i just cant bring myself to accept it.

but still, i missed him. why cant we be friends? just what exactly did i do wrong that change everything? i still dont know. it's bugging me like hell, stalling me. i cant move on. i just cant.

i pretend like i dont care but i do. what i would give and do to see you again. to hear you again.

i miss you....


i wanna move on but i cant. i just cant do it.